Irrational Fears of Instagram Posts.

It's been one whole year since the start of restrictions in the UK, and what a year it has been... Lockdown 1.0 provided a well-needed break from hectic lives, and opportunities to delve into a digital world of dancing for Instagram posts and joining world-wide Zoom classes. There was the element of the unknown back then; a shared, naive misjudgement that things would be back to normal within a month, and we would resume as before. 

Lockdown, particularly on Instagram, opened up a space to share to the world that dancing was still happening, regardless of access to studios. An ode to "no self-judgement" was made by many; assurances to followers that it was all a working progress and improvements were being made. A space to share new skills, new work-outs, new ways of moving - a desperate plea for the industry to stay connected, despite inevitable interruption.  

Guilty of this myself, I felt the invisible push to post content that provided evidence that I not only was dancing, but that I was also just as capable as the people who posted all of the time. I spent hours finding a thirty second clip of improvisation that I felt even slightly confident posting, out of the hours that I spent time filming. A need to mould myself into particular dancers became necessary, without considering that my own way of moving was good enough. The pressure to post regularly over-powered the pressure to post creative content, and I certainly did not make myself feel good in the process. 

A year on, I've fallen away from the need to document every time I do so much as put my arms in bras bas. I've found other ways to keep myself feeling and being involved, that don't involve making myself feel uncomfortable and unconfident. I feel good with putting my digital-life on hold until normal life returns, because being inactive on social-media doesn't reflect on real-life and it's important to remember that. 

The past few months in particular have taught me an awful lot about myself, that I possibly wouldn't have realised so quickly if I wasn't stuck at home. I'm proud of the things I've achieved and I'm proud of the people around me too. I have more confidence in my creative abilities than I did at the beginning of the pandemic and I feel a drive to use my creativity and form content that is worth putting out to the world. But I will do this at my own pace, without comparison to the pace of others. Sweating the small stuff is no good to anybody, we all move at different speeds and that is absolutely ok. It's our responsibility to remember that!